My life as a mother....where should I begin :)

As you can already see, it's been about 6 weeks since I've posted anything.  That in itself is a story-teller about my life as a new mommy, a wife, and a full time nursing student. :)  Life has changed for us, completely, as those who have a child already knew it would.

The past six weeks have been extremely difficult for me, physically.  More difficult than I could have ever dreamed them being. And not because of Skylee.  She is an angel baby. Literally.  She only cries when hungry or not feeling good.  I could not have asked for a better baby.  I guess when I got pregnant, I was a bit naive about after the delivery.  I just assumed that after a couple days, my body would feel close to normal and I would fully enjoy having our new little baby girl.  It didn't happen that way. The first week was very painful for me to even walk. I'm guessing that is because me tearing.  Also, breastfeeding was very painful for me, but I figured after a week or two it would ease up.  About a week and a half into it, I was so miserable I couldn't stand it.  I got anxiety every time I thought about having to feed her.  And Daniel would hold my hand as I cried through feeding her.  My nipples were completely open gashes on both breasts. But I didn't want to give up.....so I decided to pump one side and let it heal, and feed her on the other.  That gave me a little relief.  After one side healed, I switched sides and fed her on the other.  Two weeks after I had her I went back to school.  My first clinical was absolutely miserable.  It hurt to walk.  It hurt to stand. My breasts hurt.  But I couldn't let myself not go to school, so I fought through it.

By three weeks, I had gotten both nipples to heal, so I started feeding her normally again.  Three days into it, my nipples were completely gashed open  ONCE AGAIN and I developed mastitis in both breasts. The first night I woke up shaking uncontrollably with 102 fever.  Daniel wanted me to go into the ER right then, but I knew they would put me on antibiotic, and I didn't want to pump strong meds into Skylee's little body.....so I didn't go.  I got the fever down with Motrin.  I felt completely miserable with flu-like symptoms.  The fever came back the next day and the day after, but I kept getting it controlled with motrin, and using hot compresses to relieve the pain in my breasts.  I went to exclusively pumping to let the nipples heal, and supplemented her bottles with formula to make sure she was eating enough.  That same week Daniel came down with something....I think it was strep but he never got checked for it so I can't confirm that.  He was soooo sick. Fever, cough, sore throat.....all the typical symptoms.   It was a very rough week for both of us.

At four weeks, Skylee and I flew to Orlando to surprise my mom and see our good family friend, Kim Monk. That was on a Wednesday. Wednesday evening, my brother Clay brought Skylee to me and told me she felt really warm.  I took her temp and she was running a fever of around 99.8.  They had told me in the hospital that I NEVER wanted to see a fever in a newborn, so I immediately started to worry.  An hour later I retook her temperature, and it was 101.  At that point I really started to worry about her.  My mom took all of her clothes off and rocked her back and forth, and she eventually stopped fussing and fell asleep.  Her temperature slowly started going down while she slept, so I figured perhaps she was just like me or her daddy....if either of us get too exhausted our bodies start shutting down and we run a fever.  I fell asleep on the couch waiting for her to wake up to be fed, so my Dad told me to go get in the bed and he would bring her to me when she woke up.  6 hours later I wake up to find that my parents had stayed up with her all night.  I felt terrible that they had to do that, but getting a straight 6 hours sleep was heaven. :)  I had forgotten how good it felt to sleep a straight 6 hours without waking up.  Skylee was still running a temperature that morning, and as the day went by, it slowly started rising again.  I called my pediatrician from Key West, and he said to get her in to the ER right away.  So I let Daniel know we were taking her in (he was still in Key West), and we headed to the hospital.  At first they called us back just to get her vitals, and the tech was very, very rough with her taking her rectal temperature.  The reason I feel she was rough was because my Mom and I had taken her temperature rectally all day and the day before, and she didn't scream at all.  This lady didn't think about keeping Skylee comfortable.....she just wanted to get to the next patient.  After that, they called us back to be seen by the doctor, and he came in right away.  He told us not to panic, but that protocol with newborns required alot of immediate testing, including a blood draw, an IV, a catheter, chest x-rays, and a spinal tap.  My heart dropped to the floor as soon as I knew what she was about to have to go through.  I text Daniel as soon as I heard that, and he left work immediately, went home and grabbed a bag of clothes, and got on the road towards Orlando.  The first thing they did was come in to get her blood drawn and start her IV. It broke my heart holding her down for them while they put the needle in.  Babies cry a different cry when they are actually in pain, and I couldn't stand hearing her cry that cry. The nurse was able to get her little vein on the first try for the blood draw, but when he attempted to get the IV going, he blew the vein in her hand.  So he took everything out and told me to hold her and comfort her a minute, and they were going to try the other hand.  I lost it. :(  She cried, I cried, my Mom cried....it was just a big crying fest.  The nurse looked at me and told me I could step out, that they understood a mother not wanting to watch this.  THERE WAS NO WAY I was leaving poor little Skylee alone on the stretcher with strangers poking needles into her......I mean I know she was only 4 weeks but I like to think that even that young I brought some comfort to her by holding her little hand and whispering in her ear that she was going to be okay.  Anyways.....on the second attempt, they blew that vein as well, so they gave up on the IV.  X-ray came for her and I went with them.  I held her down while they got the x-rays, and while she did scream, it was nothing like how she screamed during the IV attempts.  All I could think about at that point was how I was going to handle watching them do her spinal.  My Dad got there not long after that, and she went right to Poppi to be comforted.  Then they came in to do the catheter, which she tolerated better than I expected. I think it hurt me more watching!  The doctor came in after the catheter insertion, and told us that they were going to transfer her downtown to a bigger hospital.  He also said that they were going to hold off on the spinal, and that the doctor at the bigger hospital would decide whether to go ahead and do that. I was relieved by waiting. My Mom went home to get me a bag of clothes, and Dad followed behind the ambulance while we transferred to FL Hospital South (which happens to be the same hospital that Drew was treated for his cancer at, so I was very confident that she was in good hands). Mom, Kim, and Bentley came back to the hospital and everyone stayed with me until Daniel got in from Key West, which was about 2 am.  I was so relieved to have him there with me finally, but I was kind of thankful that he didn't have to watch her go through all the procedures. I know it would have been very difficult for him.  They monitored her temperature through the night and all morning the next day, and it didn't go up, so they decided that a spinal tap was not necessary. (THANK GOD).  The doctor came in around noon and told us that she probably caught whatever it was that Daniel had been sick with the week before.  He said that if it was indeed something viral like he was thinking, she would probably get a rash the next day or a couple days after. (which did happen, so I'm very glad that he told me to watch for that because I would have probably panicked if I wasn't expecting it.)  We were so relieved that we could take her home and that everything was going to be okay.  It was a very scary experience to go through.  With her being so small, I felt so helpless because she couldn't tell me what was wrong, or what was hurting.  It's almost like you play a guessing game with little babies like that.

As far as breastfeeding goes now, my nipples are healed completely, but my supply is not enough to fill her up. So I am breastfeeding and also giving her bottles in between to keep her tummy filled.

I just took my nursing final on Tuesday for my spring semester. I can't even begin to explain what it's been like trying to adjust to life as a new mommy and finish my last 6 weeks of this semester.  I'm just keeping my fingers crossed that my grades are okay and that I finished strong. I have a two week break and then my summer semester begins.  Definitely trying to soak up this time with her .

Stay tuned.....as I get the chance, I will be loading up pictures of different milestones so far :)