Our Journey: Life Before & After Our Miracle : May 5th

Sunday, May 5, 2013

May 5th - 5 Weeks 3 Days Pregnant

I have felt pretty good all day today. I didn't feel so drained of all my energy, although I still didn't sleep very well last night. My back has been hurting all day today but I'm beginning to get used to the constant pain. It's not extreme, it's just always there. I guess that could be a good indication that my baby is growing like he/she is supposed to. Speaking of "he/she"..........I reallllllllllyyyyyy want a girl but I have it set in my mind that my chances are pretty slim for a girl. Don't get me wrong if I have a boy I will adore him, no doubt about that. :) I just think baby girls are so much fun to dress, fix their hair (if they have any that is), etc.

I finally finished our Mother's Day gifts to our Moms. I have been stressing about getting them done because not only are they the Mother's Day gifts, but also the revealing of our pregnancy. :)

Here is a close-up of the poem:

In case it's hard to read:

I do not have a face to see, or put inside a frame

I do not have soft cheeks to kiss; I don't yet have a name.

You can't yet hold my tiny hands, nor whisper in my ear

It's still too soon to sing a song or cuddle me so near.

But all will change come January, that's when they say I'm due

I'm your new little grandbaby, and I can't wait till I meet you.

All I ask between now and then, is your patience while I grow

I promise I'll be worth the wait, because of all the love we'll know.

So what I have to give you now, is a wish to you from me.

I cannot wait to be a part of this wonderful family.

I really can't wait to tell my family and Daniel's family the big news. It's driving me crazy!!!! I actually want to tell the world, but we will wait to tell everyone else until after my 7 week ultrasound. Just to make sure sweet baby is still doing okay. :/ I'm so paranoid since I had my miscarriage. The thoughts of things that could go wrong drive me crazy but I have to literally make myself think of positive things and try not to let those negative possibilities make me sad before they even happen.

Well, that's enough for tonight. My college Algebra class starts tomorrow so I better get lots and lots and lots of rest if I expect to pass that one ;) (not a big Math fan if you can't tell).

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The Story of Our Struggle

We met in 2009, and were married in January, 2012. We both decided to wait to have a baby, so that we could enjoy being young and newly married. Surprisingly, even with our precautions, we discovered we were pregnant in May, 2012. Sadly, the pregnancy didn't last long, and I had a miscarriage at approximately 5 weeks pregnant. We were both devastated. I struggled with the question of how I could love a little one so much that I thought I "wasn't ready for". After the miscarriage, we decided to stop using precautions and to allow a baby to happen when the timing was right. Almost exactly a year later, on April 30th, I received the phone call from the doctor that my blood test came back positive. I was sure this time would be different. I painted a shell (with the words "will you be our baby's daddy") to announce the pregnancy to Daniel (just like he proposed to me). We made Mother's Day gifts to announce the pregnancy to our families on Mother's Day. The day before Mother's Day, however, I started bleeding, and on that following Monday I received miscarriage confirmation. The first miscarriage was hard, but this one truly devastated me. I didn't want to function. I literally wanted to just withdraw from everyone and spend each day in tears. Thankfully, as a few weeks went by, I felt stronger and my heart was healing. Daniel was my rock. He held me, cried with me, and walked me through a really hard time in my life.

The doctors had told me my uterus is extremely tilted back, which kind of explained why it had taken me exactly a year in between pregnancies to conceive again. Actually, I had two different doctors tell me that because of the extreme tilt, I could possibly never get pregnant. So, knowing that, I really didn't think a third pregnancy would happen......at all, or at least not any time soon.

Only a month and a half later, I tested positive again (on Daniel's 23rd birthday). I immediately sent a picture of the test to my family and his family. I saw no reason to try to make some kind of special reveal like I had with the last. That only made it harder when I lost that little one. I went to the doctor and got blood test confirmation, and they began having me come in every other day to have blood drawn to see if this baby was growing properly. Things looked good, and the weeks began to go by. I started making it to little milestones.
We found out when I was 17 weeks that we were having a baby girl. Words cannot describe the complete joy and happiness I felt making it to the ultrasound for gender determination. As the weeks continued to go by, I grew more and more comfortable in my pregnancy, and the anxiety started to lessen. After going through two recent losses, it kind of steals the joy of pregnancy because you are constantly worried about "what if". In December, when I was around 24-25 weeks, I tripped on some stairs and landed right on my stomach. Not long after I began having contractions, and my doctor sent me in to Labor and Delivery. My heart was terrified. I couldn't fathom making it all this way with this pregnancy and then losing her. They gave me a shot and some meds to stop the pre-term labor, and sent me home. The next day, the contractions continued to come, so back to the hospital we went. They gave me more meds, and kept me overnight to make sure the labor had stopped. When they sent me home, they prescribed me with a medication to take every 6 hours. I took that medication from week 25 all the way to week 36, and our little girl continued to healthily grow. Currently I am 38 weeks pregnant and we are beyond ready to meet our little miracle baby.

I've had alot of people give me "the side eye" for being pregnant at 22, and for not waiting till after I finished nursing school (which I am set to graduate in May 2015). That was my original plan. But I am living proof that plans don't always go the way you want them to. When we lost the first baby, we decided not to try to control when we would have our first child. Because I've had such a struggle with my body carrying a pregnancy, I didn't want to possibly miss my only chance to have a little one. We don't regret our decision for an instance. I still fully intend to make it through nursing school, and even though we are young, we are fully prepared to take on the responsibility of little miss Skylee Rae Hester.