I had been feeling strange lately, and plus I had noticed that my clothes were not fitting normally. So I decided to set myself on a strict diet/exercise plan, which would be starting Monday, or April 29th.
But wait.......what if I were pregnant and I caused myself to lose the baby by exercising vigorously? In my head it made sense, so I decided to run buy a test just to make sure.
I peed on the stick, set it down, and went about my business. Eventually, I picked the stick back up, and thought my eyes were playing tricks on me. I kept looking at the stick from different angles, but still kept seeing the same thing.
What were my first thoughts? "Don't get excited. It's a false positive and you will just be disappointed when you test again." As hard as I tried to tell myself not to think about it, that faint positive test was glued to my mind and that's all I could see when I closed my eyes.
Of course, I didn't mention this to Daniel. It had been such a roller coaster since we had the miscarriage last year. Every month.....same thing.......my mind telling me I was pregnant, wasting money on way too many pregnancy tests, and then nature reminding me that it had all been in my head. It was like a vicious cycle that I couldn't get myself to snap out of. I stopped telling him when I felt pregnant....because in my mind I had convinced myself it would never happen.
Sooooo.......now I just had to wait. Wait till the next morning and take a test first thing to see if maybe, just maybe, it would be a positive again.
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